


You Got Red On Your Ledger

by RonWeasleyAKALittleLionMan



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:23:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5287037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonWeasleyAKALittleLionMan/pseuds/RonWeasleyAKALittleLionMan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Now, stop dodging the question, Romanoff, this might be the most honest conversation we've ever had. So, are you in or are you out?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Got Red On Your Ledger

 

 

Author's Notes: Both of these people are so hard to write. Its why I stick to Steve.

* * *

 

Tony is a Stark and he thinks people forget what that means, really. 

Stark men are made of iron.

Protect everything that matters. 

_"Brucie, light of my life, my favorite green rage ball of destruction, don't run away from this. Don't run away from us 'cause I promise, I swear things'll get better. I'm an engineer, baby, I break it, I fix it. So, just... stay. Please."_

Stark men are made of iron. 

Hide your fear and doubts because the whole world is watching. 

_"Pepper, Pep, my favorite CEO of all time and the most amazing girl on the planet, take the day off. Its fine. Its fine. I know what I'm doing... and the world will be better for it. I envision a would without fear, but you can take a breather before you help me create it."_

Stark men are made of iron. 

Never apologize. Regret is a weakness that everyone will exploit. 

Stark men are made of iron. 

Steal. Cheat. Lie.  

_"Capsicle, Cap, we're thick as thieves, the three amigos, the Crew that rivals The Scoobie Gang, oh my god, why do you never understand my references, you old fossil? Cap, Steve, we'll be fine. You and me, together, we'll weather any shit storm coming our way. Or were you blowing smoke out of that voluptuous ass when you told me that we'll do everything together, like suffocating Siamese twins. Trust me. After Ultron, I learned my lesson, I'm Tony fuckin' Stark and I never make the same mistake twice. I'm all about trusting my team, about trusting you. "_

Stark men are made of iron, Tony laughs brokenly, involuntarily coughing up trickles of blood. 

He wonders idly if that means that he'll crash under the weight of it rather than fly. 

He almost trips, one foot almost meeting the edge of the clock tower. 

Rather than being alarmed at flying in a fully malfunctioning barely there suit to a drop of about thirty feat, he laughed so hard he almost choked on more of his own blood. 

He was a scientist, but he was also just a plain old reckless and lonely mess.

He had a theory, Tony muses, why shouldn't he test it?

Why shouldn't he just fall, see how long it takes for his body to splatter onto the hard concrete and his skull to crack? 

"I'm Tony fucking Stark!" he announces to the thin air, raising an empty fist pump to the nothingness of the sky, "And I'm not afraid to die."

"Will I get a front row seat?" a smooth voice cuts in dryly, and he flinches and startles, but soon hands are grabbing hold of him and tethering him back to even ground. 

"Agent Romanoff," he says, tightly and slumps to sit down. 

"Director Stark," She says, evenly, crouching down to sit beside him. 

"So, did I miss something? Paperwork? Press conference? A social visit? A place where I give a damn?"

"No, though I hear building bridges works wonders to get over the everyday stress of your personal life," She counters, with a faint smile.

He snorted, "That was terrible."

"I'm off my game," she said in a way that meant 'deal with it.'

They sat in for a long silence, before he burst out, "Well. Aren't you going to criticize my life choices?"

"I'm your teammate, not your baby sitter," She said, "Besides, I don't like to kick a man while he's down."

"Liar."

"Well, perhaps, I should say, I enjoy more of a challenge, Stark," She smirked.

"You enjoy challenges, don't you?" Tony said, serious now. "Is that what I'm here for, Romanoff, a chess piece in your spy game only this time you take me out without stabbing a needle into my neck?"

She didn't flinch from his hard gaze, admitting slowly and with great difficulty, "I can't make you trust me, but I am on your side. One day, I'll prove it." She said the last bit, with an almost dismissive shrug but the light in her eyes was heavy. Huh. She was serious.

"What the hell for?" Tony said, genuinely baffled, "What do you want, Romanoff?"

"I want a world where I can at least have the illusion that I can be caged like Banner, that if I soak the world in fire and blood, something, someone will stop me, something a little more concrete than good faith and morals."

"After a lifetime of operating outside the law, you want to confine yourself to it," Tony asked skeptically.

"I could ask the same of you," She countered, swiftly. Ah. Deflection it was. Still. Tit for tat.

"I get scared. I make weapons, weapons like Ultron. I believe in carrying the bigger stick than the other guy and someone needs to hold me down and force me stop before I set this whole goddamn world on fire trying to save it. Now, stop dodging the question, Romanoff, this might be the most honest conversation we've ever had. So, are you in or are you out?"

"I... I don't know what to say. I don't want to fight my friends, but I will if I have to. I'm a weapon, Stark, just like your mind is weapon. Its all I've ever known how to be."

"...Romanoff."

"Stark."

"You're a weapon, but you're more than just a mindless statistic in a field of endless masked crusaders. I promise, no matter if you're on my side or not, you're gonna live through this, maybe give Banner a good kick to the groin and a smooch on the lips."

"Whose the liar, now?"

"Natasha, I'm kind of trying to offer you amnesty, right now."

"You're trying to save me, Tony, when you're already drowning yourself."

"Damn it! Don't you think I have a pretty good reason? Because if you die, it will all be my fault."

"The first thing the red room taught me was that my body wasn't my own, that my mind wasn't my own, that my choices were not my own. Shield, as shady and corrupt as it has become, taught me that I did have a choice and that the choices I made affected those around me. I'd appreciate it if you shared that same sentiment: that my life is my own and I am free to do with it as I wish."

"...Of course you're body is your own. Of course your mind is your own. Of course your life is your own to do with it as you wish... except die for me. I can't carry the weight of you sacrificing yourself in this fucked up game of tug of war between Rogers and me. I can't carry your blood on my hands, Natasha. I know I joke that I'm made of iron, but I'm not strong enough to carry that weight. Call me a selfish prick because I am what I am, and at the heart of it I'm sort of a coward when it comes to people I actually give a shit about."

"Coward, huh. That's new. I mean I'm not Wanda, but I can read people perfectly fine without a gift and you never gave off the vibe that you were a coward. I mean I know you're a "selfish prick" at times and that you have a lot of issues like the fact that you can't eat. You can barely sleep. You live in a constant state of hyper vigilance that you're in an almost constant state of panic and exhaustion.  You have so much red on your ledger, but rather than run and hide, you do something else entirely."

"What?"

"You look right at the blood of the victims pooled at your feet and know deep down that you are not good, not like Banner is, not like Steve is. But you are far better than you give yourself credit for, so you wage through the boiling blood and you keep trying to build the bridge so more people won't drown like you did. Even if people keep trying to tell you its pointless and fruitless and that it won't make the scarlet droplets, blood of the innocent people you helped ruin,  ever truly go away."

"You're telling me that nothing we do matters, Tasha," Tony said negatively, but his eyes were softer and he was smiling. "Kind of makes the whole affair rather pointless."

"The point is that you try," She said, eyes equally soft, "It makes you a better man than most, not good, never good, but better than Stane at least, in case you were curious."

He let out a startled laugh, "You don't pull punches, do you? I respect that. I can respect _you_ , Tasha, even if I can't understand trust any more than I can throw Steve's heavy metal vibranium shield without the suit. By the way, this definitely makes up my mind."

"Hmm?"

"I'm saving you because let's face it, you're sort of batshit insane and you're creepy as hell if you count the whole spy thing or even the boiling blood metaphor."

"You'll drown first," she said, matter of fact, "But that's okay."

"Hmm?"

"I'm an excellent swimmer."

"Ballsy," he said, laughingly, admiringly, "I can live with that."

She reached out and he flinched back at the sudden movement, but she didn't come closer. 

She just held out the the flat palm of her hand open towards him, "Med-bay, old man?"

He stared her palm and then looked back at her face. 

"I don't like being handed things," he said, blankly. 

She didn't lower the hand offered.

He gave an exaggerated sigh and said, "I suppose, just this once, I'll make an exception."

He took her hand and shifted, until she swung him under her arm enough to support the majority of his weight and act like his human crutch.

Christ, this was embarrassing.  

"So," he began as they trekked back to headquarters, "Was plan A talking down the mad scientist and plan B sedating me with needles if I didn't cooperate or was it the other way around?"

She shook her head at him, smiling fondly. 

"No, but seriously," He said, in the most loud and obnoxious manner he could, "Which was the plan that involved sticking me in the neck with a needle? Plan B? Plan C?"

"Tony."

"Plan D. Plan E."

"Stark."

"Plan F. Plan G."

"Stark, I still have the needle and I am not afraid to use it."

"Ha. I fucking knew it," he crowed, "I'm a geni-ok. ok. ok. Put the needle down, Natasha. Slowly. As your boss in the most official capacity, I am ordering to put the needle-ok. ok. I'm not ordering you to do anything. You can have whatever you want. You want money, a vacation, erm, money? I have a lot of money, like a shit ton of money. Ok. I'm shutting up now. I'm shutting up."

There was a brief comfortable silence before Tony broke it, voice barely above a whisper, "Tasha."

"Hmmm?"

"Don't make me watch you die," he said, voice small. 

She didn't promise and okay, he could understand that. He could comprehend that. There was a war heading their way and it was stupid of him to ask her not to die. It was the most impossible selfish request he could ask of her. However, she didn't ignore the request, rubbing odd soothing circles on his back. It wasn't yes. It wasn't a no. It took him a second to realize something. 

"Are you tracing letters into my back? What super secret spy message are you sending me, huh?" He said, curious. 

"You're a genius. Figure it out."

Challenge accepted.

He focused intently, basking in another moment of comfortable silence.  

LLEW SA EID UOY HCTAW EM EKAM TNOD. 

He pulled her closer, throat choked with emotion, and promised her nothing of the sort. 

She understood. 

Stark men are made of iron, huh, Tony mused to himself, thinking today of all days, today could be just one single exception. 


End file.
